Oh my, I have no idea where the time just goes to? It disappears right into thin air in front of me……
I have been so stuck lately. Feeling the pressure to write this latest blog as it’s been quite a while since I published my last story. There has been a lot going on for me since then. A tug of war at play with me internally that I’ll dive into here in this story but mainly time spent studying Integrative Quantum Medicine, and me manifesting my next home, which I did so amazingly! That’s a story in itself that I’ll share in another blog but for now just to know that this island keeps on giving to me. So beautifully!
This wonderful Spanish casita I’ve brought into my reality, that I get to call home has been keeping me busy moving and settling in but all the while as I’ve stayed quiet from writing on these pages I’ve been waking up daily with this tightness in my throat, my shoulders feel heavy, and my neck is stiff. It’s not nice at all. Feeling like everything is stuck in me but knowing through my studies on “IQM” that these areas of my body are all metaphysically connected with me using my voice, being empowered to put myself out there. To share my word. To speaking my truth. Sharing my stories, seeing if they resonate for some, but more importantly knowing what it does for me. When I’m able to release what’s inside me, it’s the letting go, it’s the digging deep and it’s seeing what’s coming up for me that really frees me on a metaphysical level. Being connected and aligned to what I’m hearing and being able to express and share it, that’s the real freedom in myself.
These last few days I think this blockage in me, these stuck energies on a cellular level are all down to my ego. That annoying voice in my head. The one that keeps trying to take center stage. After all my years of living hard and fast in New York, the city that hardly sleeps, conforming to what society expected of me, to what I expected of myself. It’s this same ego that is telling me to be driven, to be successful, to keep going, to be the best version of me, and be the best at my game, whatever that game is? And while there’s nothing wrong with anyone being the best version of themselves I’m not sure if I want to play that loud, fast game anymore because right now I’m still sitting quietly in the sandbox, taking the time playing with a lot of toys to see what resonates for me now and its a pretty good feeling to be allowing this time to me.
I came out here initially for a sabbatical, not realizing I had chosen my timeline so perfectly. And now I’m realizing that this is where I’m making my roots for my next chapter. But the ego in me that is constantly rearing its head, making so much noise, forcing me to feel like I have to be something special, constantly be out there, doing and succeeding, it’s all just noise. It’s the stubborn little child in me, that one that I’ve been nurturing and listening to more, that child who is sitting on the other side of the seesaw, the one that’s not in balance, she’s saying so loudly and clearly a big “no!” She’s telling me to stay slow, stay quiet, keep grounding, keep healing, keep figuring out what it is that resonates for me and stay in the moment. This is the voice I’m listening to, not the other one.
It’s her voice that’s telling me to take the pressure off trying to make something happen because if there’s one thing I’ve learned, on this new journey I’ve taken, it’s that it’s all really mapped out for us, and it’s all going to fall in place when were aligned and ready. We just have to step back, trust in the process, and surrender to whatever it is we’re going through. Even in the tough times when it feels icky and uncomfortable and you just don’t want to deal, yet knowing that it’s in those dark times that transformation & growth is going on. And sometimes while we don’t know what that is until we’ve come through it, we get the chance to reflect back and see the strides we’ve taken and the growth we’re making.
So while we’re all waking up on many levels we should look at this time, on our journey called life, as a time for hitting reset, for getting aligned to our highest calling. This crucial time for slowing down our ego, and getting to know ourselves better. For some, that’s prioritizing many things, being home, finding the magic in the simple things like a walk in nature, cooking, connecting with friends, finding time to read or journal. Just being present. For others, it’s a time for great inner growth, working through blockages we never had the time to see, understand or let alone contend with. When I quieten that inner chimp in my head I get to see so clearly the old ego from the fast-paced life that I lived and I get to question what direction I want to move forward in next. And while I’m not qualified as a therapist or a life coach, I am coming from my own experience in taking this new road map and life change. I’m trying something new, seeing if it fits for me, and the chance to change it up. And so as I continue to discover my passion, in this current sandbox I get excited to see where my journey will take me. Just as this island is getting ready to open back up I too have taken this time out to explore and be on the artists’ way.
It’s exciting to see where I will evolve to as anything is possible when we slow down and find out what really makes us hum in harmony. Become the best version of yourselves. So try it out in whatever way is possible for you. Create your art, your life, allowing it to be fully seen in whatever way resonates for you. Let yourself be enough. Quiet the ego and let your art touch your soul however it’s meant to be. Try it on, bask in it, and derive pleasure from it. Receive it. Sit, stand and swim in it simply because you want to not because your ego is telling you to. And enjoy the journey into your new findings.